Keeping up with Joneses isn’t a new thing. People have always been comparing one’s current situation to the next person’s. I think it’s human nature. But how we let these feelings rule our lives and affect major decisions we make doesn’t have to be a part of life.
My new lease on life (something that has taken a few years to develop and is still a work in progress) has let me break away from feeling the need to keep up with the Joneses. It has not been easy. But boy, has it been worth it.
In this day and age, when our own personal realities are instantly compared with the photo-shopped and staged lives of others’ on a range of social media platforms, it’s challenging to not feel like our lives are falling short of the mark. Our houses aren’t model homes in the Parade of Homes tour. Our bodies aren’t showcased on a Victoria’s Secret runway. Our kids aren’t always dressed to the nines, sweet as punch, and the star pupil of the preschool class. But it’s not that we are less than perfect. In the real world, nobody is perfect. Rather, it’s all based on what we view as “perfect”.
source of motivation
Ok, I am going to try to keep this little back story short and sweet:
Up until recently (like within the last few years), my achievements were driven by the need to be the best. I was fiercely competitive while growing up. For some reason, I believed that the quality of my character was based on how I ranked against others around me. If I didn’t win the game, if I wasn’t the smartest in the class, or if I wasn’t the most liked kid in a group, I felt like I was a bit less. I have no idea where these feelings came from, but for whatever reason, I thrived on praise from others.
Looking back, I think these feelings were both a blessing and a curse. Yes, I was always pushing myself to improve, to always be the best. But I always stressed out about it. This is because I was extrinsically motivated. My efforts and achievements were not truly filling my self-worth cup. As soon as the applause faded, I was left once again with an empty glass. My self-worth was based on the praise of others.
Now don’t get me wrong, positive feedback and a good ol’ pat on the back is wonderful, especially when we are feeling down and out. The problem arises, though, when it’s the praise, the “likes”, the retweets, and the adoring comments are what drive what we do.
downside of social media
Life may always seem to present new challenges, and maybe no matter what decade you’re trying to grow up in, or start your adult life in, or raise your children in, it ain’t easy. But I can’t help but think that our present modern times are making it extra tough, and I think social media is the source of these new added challenges. Social media and its effects on young adults and adolescences dominates the news. US Today writes that it’s a new addiction, one comparable to cigarettes and alcohol, and it has major effects on mental health. But it’s not just young adults, teens, and tweens that are feeling the negative impact. Adults with established careers, homes, and families, are feeling the same pressures.
We spend so much of our day (way too much of our time, if you ask me) scrolling, scrolling, and scrolling some more. Really, what are we looking for? Before my newly discovered lease on life, all that I seemed to find were feelings of inferiority–a life that was lacking. At times, it completely took the wind out of my sails. For example, our newly built house, which I was beyond excited about when we built it back in 2013, became a hot mess of design “do nots” as I scrolled through my array of social media accounts. What a terrible feeling! (Read more about our forever home and my emotional roller coaster ride at Welcome to Our Forever Home!)
The same feelings started to creep into other aspects of my life, as well. My children weren’t potty trained in 3 days. My husband and I didn’t go on weekly date nights. My house wasn’t as clean as it should have been. Fail. Fail. and Fail. But really? Was I failing? Or were the “Joneses” on social media honest examples of real life? I think not.
intrinsic motivation
I don’t know exactly where or why the shift in my mindset started, but I eventually turned a corner on how I viewed my life and how it compared to the perfect world’s on social media. (Maybe the lack of sleep from stressing out about my life’s failure was starting to wear on me and I decided I needed a swift kick in the butt.)
I started with stepping back. I logged out of my social media accounts for a bit to give myself a break. At the same time, I started to focus on the life around me – my family, my friends, my home, and my farm. I made an extra effort to slow down, take it all in, and truly recognize how happy the little things made me. It had nothing to do with how I compared to those online because I was no longer scrolling. It had nothing to do with the likes I because I wasn’t posting. It had nothing to do with the praise I received.
What it had to do with was the genuine happiness that these moments created. It was intrinsic motivation that became my new driving force. No longer was my happiness relying on the praise I received, whether in person or online. I was living my life for me and for my family.
maintaining my new lease on life
This has not been an easy thing to achieve, and it is not something that I was able to check off my to-do list and move on. My new mindset, my new lease on life, takes effort and maintenance.
Social media isn’t going anywhere. And I really do enjoy scrolling through the news feeds to see what my friends and family are up to, what’s happening in the world, and what’s new in home design trends. But as I scroll, I have to be mindful of how I let these posts make me feel. I have to direct my mind (this takes effort!) to truly feel happy for friends that are on a vacation with sandy beaches, rather than jealous because we are stuck at home in the snowy tundra. Or inspired by a new home design rather than bummed my home might now be considered outdated. We can’t spend our entire lives living for tomorrow.
My new lease on life focuses on living for today. Soaking up the things and the moments around me that bring me joy. Life is not perfect. And it’s important to remember that nobody’s life is.
words for thought: living for today
Short and Sweet of Perfection isn’t going to be about our perfect life. Rather, it’s going to be about our real life. My posts won’t be perfect, my projects won’t be seamless, and my goals won’t be overly lofty. They will be realistic. My new lease on life will be evident throughout. Projects here are doable (and affordable!). My design ideas are simple and attainable. I want anyone and everyone who visits my blog to feel inspired rather than overwhelmed. Expect to see clutter in the background, crumbs on the counter, and us in our pajamas in the afternoon.
I challenge you to take some time from your ever growing to-do list, take good look around, and enjoy what is in the present. Don’t let today’s happiness be contingent on what you will achieve tomorrow. It’s easier said than done, but remember, it is possible. You’ll be happy that you did. I know I sure am.
